There’s a secret I’ve been grappling with: In the past year, I started hearing whispers, and I’ve started questioning everything, especially the choices that may have caused discomfort or resentment in those I love. This revelation brought a deep sadness and an undercurrent of anger.
For a while, I found harmony in my identities: being a Jew by choice, an ex-Christian from Japan, and a Japanese immigrant married to a Black man, raising our Black daughter, a classical violinist and a jazz composer. But today, I struggle with the feeling of isolation in existing alone in my identity category—navigating a reality where the various parts of me seem at odds with each other. It’s an isolating experience that few, if any, can fully relate to. And sometimes, I can’t help but wonder if I should have made different choices.
One thing I find beautiful about jazz is its ability to unite musicians who are each unique and come from different cultures or beliefs, all driven by a common goal—to create moments of captivation, cohesion, and connection. My latest composition, Re-harmonizing Identity: Shifting Prisms of a Shattered Glass Ceiling”, explores my inner conflict through “vertical and horizontal harmony,” reflecting my attempts to reconcile conflicting truths and find coherence in my complex identity. Winning this year’s Washington Heights Jazz Festival Composition Award wasn’t just an achievement—it was a forced confrontation with my deepest inner thoughts.
I invite you to the world premiere of Re-harmonizing Identity on November 2nd at Le Cheile in Washington Heights during the Wa-hi Jazz Festi
